I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
