I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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