Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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