That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
