My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We need a shit load of segways right now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
