is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
