dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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