She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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