omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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