on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
