Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
