god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize