Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
