I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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