I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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