I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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