I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
