It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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