That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
