so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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