If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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