Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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