I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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