Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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