I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
