MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
