i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize