I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
