I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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