when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
