I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
