so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
