trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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