I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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