you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?