At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy