Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that