I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
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hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex