I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
