i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
