i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
