Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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