haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
