peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
