if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
