my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
