Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
