Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
