Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
