I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
