Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize