I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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