Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
