just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
