$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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