Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
