i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
