did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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