I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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