whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
