this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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