I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
