I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
