Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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