the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Even my vagina gasped.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's official drugs can't kill me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
