I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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