Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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