I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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