So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
