he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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