Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
