I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize